


do you love him?

by rusticshrubs



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Depression, Heartbreak, M/M, Pining Keith (Voltron), Sad Keith (Voltron), Sad Lance (Voltron)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-27
Updated: 2018-08-27
Packaged: 2019-07-03 03:50:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15810738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rusticshrubs/pseuds/rusticshrubs
Summary: “The flowers smell nice.”And they did. But they weren’t for him.“They are quite lovely. Altean juniberries have a similar fragrance.” She said, pulling one from the vase and smelling it. Her cheeks were tinted pink again, and the Black Paladin wanted to ask why, even if he knew. Oh, he knew…He stood up from his chair, clenching his fists slightly. His eyebrows furrowed in sorrow as Allura stared at him, confused. Always that same look, as if she didn’t realize what she was doing. As if she didn’t know.-Keith struggles with his romantic feelings for Lance. He is trapped between heartbreak and hope, trying to find peace out of it all.





	do you love him?

**Author's Note:**

> still a WIP! i'll go in later and edit some errors, but for now, enjoy! :D  
> i worked pretty hard on this so i hope ya'll like it.

Keith’s skin cooled as he leaned against the doorframe to the Altean kitchen. His skin had been hot from training recently, so it was a relaxing touch. Allura’s pearly, soft hair bobbed lightly as she pulled a steaming tray of homemade food out of the oven.

 

He coughed stiffly, crossing his arms. She turned around, slightly surprised - but let a smile grace her features. “Keith?”

 

He strained to keep eye contact. Her eyes were so blue, just like… Keith felt the sweat return, but it wasn’t from exhaustion. Forcing himself not to fidget, he spoke with a steady voice. “Princess, I need to know something.”

 

Allura’s smile faded a bit, and she set down her tray to approach him. The smell was nice. “What is it? Is something wrong?”

 

“It… It’s been on my mind for a while.”

 

_Say it. Ask her._ He urged his insistent thoughts away.

 

“Yes?” She questioned, slightly raising her eyebrow and leaning a gloved hand on her hip.

 

Keith wanted to run away. But if he did, she would know. She _couldn’t_ know. He pushed his mouth to move, words aching painfully. The half-Galran desperately hoped that he didn’t look as nervous as he felt.

 

The tense silence apparently went on longer than it should have, because Allura tapped his shoulder. She looked concerned, turquoise eyes scanning his face. “Are you feeling alright, Keith? I made some of my mother’s medicinal pie,” she said, gesturing to the sizzling clump of… something.

 

He inwardly thanked her for not pushing further as he gently declined the offer. “Yeah, I’m feeling a bit off today. I think I’m going to get some rest,” Keith said.

 

The questions still burned inside of his mind, searing his heart as he promptly left the room. He tried not to think about the princess’ perplexed eyes on his back.

 

-

 

Apparently, while Keith was gone, Allura and Lotor became romantic. This didn’t bother him much, not until the Galran prince betrayed the team and threatened the entire universe. He genuinely wished that the long haired man had turned a new leaf in his absence.

 

Then Romelle came along, and it all fell apart. The princess was visibly distraught during their fight with the Galra - especially with Lotor. She didn’t want to leave the man to the destruction of the quintessence realm, but it was too late. Too late to save him, and too late to reverse time to undo the mess that he created.

 

Somewhere deep inside of his mind, a revelation he did not wish to reveal, was a bit of relief. Relief that Allura had chosen Lotor. Of course, Keith was glad that she found a man she loved. But it was selfish of him to be glad that her heartbreak would most likely last for years.

When it didn’t, Keith didn’t know what to do.

 

He himself loved hard, and he knew so. He had evidence that his love was long-lasting and seldom found. If he came across it in a sudden turn of events, then he latched onto it. Fear of rejection prevented him from loving quickly and foolishly, so in some way, it was like a shield. Reeling back from any intimacy unless it was proven to the ends of the universe and back created his realm of safety. His small, carefully chosen family.

 

But romantic love was different from familial love. Keith never felt romantic love until he became a Paladin. It ate at him, - became something he thought of often - and shed the skin that told him romance was a luxury he couldn’t afford. The warmth of love, and sting of rejection merged into a constant ache of his armored chest. He saw life as something different, now. After love, he understood why it was written and sung about so much.

 

Keith saw the way Allura looked at a certain teammate of theirs now. After Voltron’s return to Earth, something changed in those turquoise orbs of hers. Something warm; something foolish, and ignorant. Something Keith himself felt for a long, long time. He wanted to dislike Allura, but he couldn’t. It would be petty and uncalled for. Love wasn’t a game to win, or to tally points in. _How did she move on so quickly? Was it only him, who loved so much?_

 

His short-lived anger for her sudden attractions quickly eased into the monotonous aching of his heart, and became melancholy. His heartache was like radio static - this was just a bit more interference.

 

Maybe during his absence, things happened without his knowledge. Personal things.

 

Since he was gone with the Blade of Marmora for so long, he rarely got to see the Paladins. But when he returned in a transmission that felt like ages ago, he saw the princess and the Red Paladin splitting. They had been embracing, or kissing (Keith prefered the former), and for a moment - he couldn’t breathe. He quickly informed them of their situation, easing his feelings down to his chest again, not letting them climb their way up to his throat. They had both been happy to see he was alive, though, which was nice.

 

_“Keith, you’re okay!”_

 

The questions had come back again, but he held them back. Keith never had much trust in the tip of his tongue, since he often said foolish things he regretted later. If he asked Allura, then he would probably just cave in on himself. Back to square one.

 

-

 

When he woke up in the Garrison hospital, Keith felt strange. His head ached at first, yes, but for a blissful moment, he didn’t recall anything. His mind was blank, and his chest wasn’t weighed down at all. For a moment, he was only a human. He was only himself.

 

Then, Kolivan and Krolia’s faces flipped a switch he wished to ignore for a few more peaceful moments - kicking him back to his previous state. He was a Paladin of Voltron, and he was recently in the intense, boiling heat of battle. He was Lone Wolf Keith; he was Keith with a burn scar on his face, and he was half-Galra. He was, once again, Keith with questions on his mind that refused to back down to his chest this time.

 

Excusing himself after talking with his family for an hour or so of conversation, he headed over to the princess.

 

He apprehensively entered her room, which smelled of sweet lilies. That was the first thing he noticed - beautiful blue flowers in a glass vase with a card standing upright on her bed stand. Drawn in blue marker was a picture of the Red Paladin, winking, with a heart next to him. A heartbreaking sickness wedged between his throat and his chest. He immediately wanted to leave the room.

 

“Keith,” the princess said, his name smooth as honey on her tongue. It sounded wrong. “How are you feeling?”

 

“I was coming to ask you the same thing.” He replied. Keith cared about her, and he didn’t want to see her injured. Assuming all of the Paladins were in a similar state, he sat down in a chair next to her bed. “Have you spoken to the rest of the team yet?”

 

“Coran and Romelle visited me,” she paused before a slight blush eased onto her cheeks. “Lance did as well. I am not sure if Pidge and Hunk have regained consciousness yet.”

 

Keith wanted to yell at something, someone. Maybe Allura. Mostly himself.

 

“Oh,” he responded lamely. “That was a pretty intense battle we had.”

 

“Indeed it was,” she sighed, smiling a bit. “Although our fight against the Galra isn’t over yet, it is quite a relief that we’ve defeated Sendak.”

 

Keith nodded in agreement, staring at his hands. _Do it now. Ask her._ His mind was spinning in despair - if he just _asked her,_ he could save himself some pain. Not much, but it would crush any hope he had left. Better to rip off the bandage quickly.

 

He sucked in a breath and spoke. “So, you talked to Lance?”

 

Allura’s eyes peered into his, something shimmering in them. She crossed her hands on her lap curtly, and smiled in earnest. “Yes. He is quite well.”

 

_Well, that was good news at least._ Keith thought, deflating a bit from his own stupidity. Why had he assumed he ever stood a chance, why _him…_

 

“When he didn’t respond back there, I really thought he was gone for good…” The princess continued, tone soft. She broke eye contact.

 

Keith paused for a moment, rewinding to their battle. Right when Lance and Veronica were screaming through the comms before they were cut out, almost like placing the gravestone upon the dirt. Like it horrifyingly sealed their fates, somehow. The Black Paladin had been terrified at the silence. Usually, he loved being alone to himself. Only his own breathing and the familiarity of his limbs.

 

Lance was different. He was supposed to respond. It had shaken Keith. He desperately called out to the Red Paladin, tense and frantic.

 

_“Lance? Lance, come in!”_

 

The surge of immense relief when Lance responded a few grieven minutes later bursted through Keith’s body.

 

“We all did.” He added, eyeing the card on Allura’s table. _I did, too,_ he meant. Keith felt slightly lightheaded as he continued. “The flowers smell nice.”

 

And they did. But they weren’t for him.

 

“They are quite lovely. Altean juniberries have a similar fragrance.” She said, pulling one from the vase and smelling it. Her cheeks were tinted pink again, and the Black Paladin wanted to ask why, even if he knew. _Oh, he knew…_

 

He stood up from his chair, clenching his fists slightly. His eyebrows furrowed in sorrow as Allura stared at him, confused. _Always that same look_ , as if she didn’t realize what she was doing. As if she didn’t _know._

 

He thought of soft brown terraces in her delicate fingers, deep blue meeting her pale turquoise. Slender limbs against hers, arms around shoulders, hands intertwined. He thought of his gloved hands feeling the warmth of another body as violet bathed their faces. Of healing pods, crossed arms, and rejection. The sickly sweet smell of lilies overflowed his senses, and he was no longer in the Garrison hospital.

 

He was Keith, in his old shack in the desert - alone, and lonely. Back to his old routine of staring at the stars and waiting for someone to find him, to take him away. He wanted aliens to release him from Earth’s isolation, to give him a place to be alone but never lonely, and to never take his love away.

 

He was Keith, dodging asteroids with the Red Paladin beside him. He was Keith in his room as his teammate spoke to him, eyes upturned - concerned. In that moment, they were the same. Both bathed in sadness. Both insecure. They were each other’s stability. He was Keith who was saved by a perfect shot, by a gun, by a smile.

 

Then, he was at the Garrison again, exiting the office after a fight, telling Shiro to send him back. This place wasn’t for him. _It never was._

 

Looking Allura in the those turquoise eyes of hers, he inhaled deeply. He clenched his eyelids shut as the words _finally_ spilled out.

 

“Do you love him?”

 

Allura recoiled a bit, flustered and defensive. She was now sitting up more attentively in bed, shoulders raised as she stared at him incredulously. “What?”

 

“Do you love…” Keith felt sadness ease up to his throat. The feeling that came before tears. _He never cried, though,_ he forced himself to declare, _and this was no exception._ “Lance.”

 

That name was hard for him to say, especially now. It would hurt to hear or speak it again after hearing the princess’ finite reply. That name, after spoken from her mouth, would make him think of heartbreak. Of starry eyes and beautiful smiles that were too far to reach. Even when they were staring at him - through him, with love carved on his tan skin.

 

Her shoulders lowered as she shrunk in on herself a bit. She looked tired. “I have grown rather fond of Lance. He is very sweet and kind.”

 

Keith felt the bitterness bite back at her words amongst the grief. “Did you notice that _before_ Lotor?”

 

Her thin eyebrows furrowed. “What do you mean?” She said, sounding hurt. Keith immediately wanted to take back his words. _Stupid._

 

“I’m sorry. I just…”

 

Silence. Something in Allura’s eyes changed as she stared at the lilies. She bit her lower lip slightly, kneading her hands together.

 

“No. I understand, Keith,” she said, looking guilty. “I have been quite… dismissive of Lance at times.”

 

The Black Paladin eyed her, gaze deepening. His eyebrows upturned slightly as he processed her words. The princess sighed and let her eyelids close. “He doesn’t deserve to feel like I chose him just because of Prince Lotor’s absence. It was selfish and inconsiderate of me.”

 

Keith was shocked at Allura’s honesty. And yet, with this uncovered revelation, he still didn’t have his answer. He looked down at his feet, uncrossing his arms. “But…” He said softly, sound almost inaudible.

 

Princess Allura’s eyes were on his face, and he couldn’t bare to meet them. Her words became a poison as they entered his bloodstream - making his limbs shudder lightly. From his bones, he heard her voice, and they _ached._ She spoke quietly, with a sickly sweet tone that told him his answer before he even heard her words. “But, I do… have feelings for him, yes.”

 

Disappointment and sadness burrowed deeply inside of Keith. His body felt like a ship about to crash into a harbor - rocking at every movement. He had so much he wanted to articulate, to _say,_ before he shipwrecked, but all he could manage was a hollow: “Oh.”

 

Allura continued to stare into his evasive eyes, questions on her lips. From the way she opened her mouth to speak, Keith panicked. _God, she knew. She knew and she was going to tell_ him _, and that was the absolute last thing he wanted._

 

She tucked a troubled stand of hair behind one of her pointed ears. Allura gave him a look of… _pity? Is that what it was? Pity, out of everything?_ Keith didn’t want pity. He couldn’t make her stop loving someone. He couldn’t blame her for his feelings. He was the one who let himself become foolishly smitten over their Red Paladin, and now she was as well.

 

She spoke carefully, leaning towards him. “Keith, do you…”

 

“I’m going to leave.” He said, immediately heading to the door. Allura didn’t finish her question, and that was one thing Keith was grateful for.

 

When he reached his room, vision blurry with liquid, Krolia and Kolivan were no longer there. Embracing himself tightly, lips quaking, he shut his eyes. Keith drew his bandaged knees up to his chest, and cried.

 

-

 

After the Paladins’ recoveries, a week or so total, Keith had time to think. And with thoughts, came misery, which eventually settled into a vacant, ever-present numbness in his heart. Hunk and Pidge came to visit him, which was nice. He could pretend, because they didn’t know. Feigning normalcy with them was easy - Keith didn’t express much anyway, so what was the point in pretending to be happy?

 

The Yellow Paladin made some food for him, placing it on his empty bed stand - which unsurprisingly, made him a bit less lonely. The three of them played card games for a few hours before it got late, and Keith had a somewhat peaceful night.

 

Lance visited him a couple of times, but Keith pretended to be asleep - regardless time of day. The Red Paladin left a card for him the second time (much to his surprise), which read:

 

_Come to my room, buddy. I miss talking to you._

_(PS: I know you’re faking it.)_

 

Initially, Keith panicked at being found out, but he let the words sink in further. Lance missed talking to him, which was absurd, because they didn’t talk very often. Especially after the half-Galran left the team…

Again, his heart betrayed him, and something warm bloomed inside. He smiled to himself, but was too anxious to visit Lance.

 

The next time he saw Allura, he desperately hoped that she wouldn’t press into his open wounds. He knew she was aware now, and that made it hurt even more. The fact that she had the will to tell _him_ what she knew.

 

But to his surprise, it wasn’t the princess who approached him first. Hazelnut hair and smooth tan skin walked up after a meeting with the Garrison pilots. They were discussing a plan that Keith had no interest in, prompting him to look as bored as possible so none of them would try and converse.

 

“Keith?”

 

His eyes flew up from his flight information card the officers gave him, meeting deep blue. Keith’s heart nearly stopped.

 

“Hey, Lance,” he said, trying to keep his voice as steady as possible. He tucked his paper in his pocket, crossing his arms subconsciously.

 

“Can I talk to you?” Lance smiled awkwardly as he gestured to one of the vacant offices.

 

Keith wanted to say _no, he was busy,_ or something unreasonable. But those eyes, they were seen so rarely now that he couldn’t decline. Deep blue with specks of green inside. Lance’s eyes reminded him of Earth. Lance reminded him of home; he _was_ home.

 

_A rarity,_ is what Lance was. In the chaos and havoc of the universe, he was Lance, and no one else. That meant everything to Keith.

 

The half-Galran reluctantly began to walk to the room Lance was pointing to, and the other male followed close behind him. Closing the door, Keith stood up against the wall. “So, what is it?”

 

_He knew what it was. Lance knew. They both knew._

 

“Um…” Lance began, nervously placing a hand on his neck. “Allura.”

 

Keith froze. He desperately tried to keep his composure, but couldn’t stop a shaky, resigned sigh from escaping his parted lips. Lance continued, looking at the floor. Something in his eyes was… different than what Keith was expecting.

 

“She said she thinks you’re in _love_ with her.”

 

_What?_ Keith backpedaled.

 

Lance seemed to think the Black Paladin’s expression spoke enough itself, and laughed uncomfortably. It was a strained sound. “Yeah, I know. I told her that didn’t sound like you.”

 

_He wasn’t into girls, so no, it didn’t sound like him at all._

 

His expression turned more solemn as he looked at Keith. His lips downturned, and the bags under his eyes were much more visible now. “You’re not, are you?” Lance asked softly. _...In love with her?_ went unspoken, but both of them heard it.

 

Keith stared at him in confusion.

 

“Why would you think…” He trailed away, leaning off from the wall. He walked towards Lance and placed a warm hand on his shoulder. “No, I’m not, Lance. _Of course_ I’m not.”

 

The Red Paladin looked at him, inwardly battling his thoughts, eyebrows upturned in discomfort. Keith pulled his arm away, realizing he was holding on for too long. _When did he not?_

 

“Why are you so distant, then? You can tell me,” Lance muttered, slouching. He sighed, fluidly brushing his fingers through his hair. He looked exhausted.

 

Keith couldn’t respond. “I…”

 

Lance crossed his arms in frustration, glaring at him. Keith’s inability to answer him seemed to spark something.

 

“First, you ignore me after our huge fight with that crazy robot. Then, you can’t even look me in the eyes when Allura’s around! If it’s about me and the princess, then I think I deserve to know,” he spat out, but he looked more hurt than angry.

 

“You don’t want to, Lance. Trust me.’ Keith replied tiredly. _Not this. Please._ He just wanted it to end.

 

The young Cuban man lowered his voice, tone becoming desperate. “Aren’t we friends, Keith? I trust you with everything I’ve got. You can _tell me.”_

 

_Tell him._

 

Keith shut his eyes. “I can’t. Please, just…”

 

Lance grabbed his one of his hands, squeezing it lightly. The half-Galran gasped from the unexpected touch, blinking widely at the Paladin in front of him. Those blue spheres were so close now. He could feel his breathing against his skin, now. _If he just leaned forward, then they would be…_

 

His body relaxed, and he sat down in one of the chairs by the door. Lance joined him, concerned. Breathing in deeply, Keith stared at the other cadet’s profile. Perfect jawline, silky hair, soft lips. He felt his body warm with affection for the Red Paladin.

 

“Allura didn’t tell you what I asked her, when I came to her room.”

 

“She said you were acting different,” Lance said, picking idly at his fingernails.

 

“I asked her if she loved you.” He replied bluntly.

 

“What?” Lance stuttered, tilting his head to gawk at Keith. Timid curiosity shone in his eyes.

 

Keith sighed, continuing. _Rip the bandage off._

“She said she did.”

 

Lance didn’t blush, or smile. All he did was wrap his arms around his body, looking conflicted. “She did, huh…” He muttered quietly to himself.

 

Keith frowned at his teammate’s slightly wrinkled Garrison uniform, unsure on what to say next. _He could tell him now._ After a moment, Lance spoke again.

 

“I don’t want to hurt her, Keith,” he said, eyes scrunching up sadly. His voice shook, which pulled something in his heart. _That wasn’t the reaction he was expecting._ The Black Paladin wanted to do something to comfort him, but let him continue.

 

“I just…” Lance struggled with the words, mouth opening and closing as his unsure eyes roamed the floor. “After Lotor, even if it has been a few years, I don’t think she’s really over it.”

 

Keith nodded. “You feel like she’s leading you on?”

 

Lance rested a cheek against his palm. “No… I just _really_ liked her, Keith. But before Lotor, she barely batted an eyelash at me. It just,” he whispered, _“it really hurt.”_ His voice cracked on the last word.

 

“And _just_ when I started to move on a little bit, she makes it more confusing to understand. I’m just _Lance._ If her standards are low enough to choose _me_ -”

 

Keith’s brows furrowed, and he placed a hand on Lance’s forearm. “Hey.” His teammate looked up at him, pain in his eyes.

 

“I’m going to be honest. You’re brave, and strong, and a great shot. I think you’re amazing.” He said sincerely. “That’s what I think when I see you. I’m sure the rest of the team feels the same.”

 

Lance turned to him, and for a hesitant moment, Keith thought he was going to leave. _Did he mess up?_ But then, tan arms were wrapping tightly around his waist, and his neck warmed as soft breathing pressed up against his skin. The Cuban’s silky hair brushed against his ears, and Keith felt warmth all around him. He enveloped his hands around Lance’s body, sighing as he let a helpless smile cross his face.

 

They didn’t break for long time, simply listening to each other’s breathing as they embraced deeply. Keith rested his chin against Lance’s shoulder, closing his eyes. _Home._

 

“Thank you,” Lance said, when they parted. He lifted a hand to brush the scarred skin on Keith’s cheek. “I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone like you, man.”

 

Keith sucked in a quiet, hopeful breath. “Me neither.”

 

Slowly, but surely, his wounds began to heal. 

  
  


 

 

 

 

 


End file.
